I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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