I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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