As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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