So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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