he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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