how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
