Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
