Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
