best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
