I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
