I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
