i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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