apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
