Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
