They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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