So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
