At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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