I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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