dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
