if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
