you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
