I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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