Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize