I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
