can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
