I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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