so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
