You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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