things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
