too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
