there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
