What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
