Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
