My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
