dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
