im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
