And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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