I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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