Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
