Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize