I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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