I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Damn victory sex feels great
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
