my mouth tastes like poor choices
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
