the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
