Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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