Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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