some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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