I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
