I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
