so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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