best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
