I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
