i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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