I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
