Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
