It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
