the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
