I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
