just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
