Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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