i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
