I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So apparently I’m into choking now
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
