M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
