I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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