I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
