She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
