i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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