if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
