i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
