Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
