My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
