In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
