Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
