We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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