...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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