He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
