I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
