She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
