my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
