who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You're my little dorito
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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