So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
