Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
