you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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