I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
