i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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