So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
