literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
