not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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