Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
