you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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