you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
