Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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