You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
