the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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