I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
