Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Randomize
