I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize